Importance
by Sousukes-Girl
Summary: If I had realized then, just how important you would become to me, I'm not certain I could have asked you to become my weapon.


Disclaimer: No, I do not own Soul Eater.

AN: This isn't strictly canon, I've taken some liberties; it's pretty close though. Also, I haven't had this beta'd at all, so it's rough around the edges. I've only completed the anime, and it was in bits and pieces, so some things may be wrong. Oh, and thank you so much Whinnie for bringing the spelling to my attention. I have NO idea why I spelled it "Kishan" instead of "Kishin." It should all be fixed now though!

Thanks and ENJOY!

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If I had realized then, just how important you would become to me, I'm not certain I could have asked you to become my weapon. I asked on a whim, something about your soul; I didn't trust anyone, let alone a man. How could I ask you to become something that could potentially become so essential to my wellbeing? Did I not think that you would betray me like so many had before you? I went out on a limb, and trusted myself to you, though not completely at first. I thought I could handle you, I thought I could keep us separate and apart; distance my soul from yours, utilizing you just as the tool you were, are. I needed you so that I could push myself further and further, and become the youngest meister to create a death scythe. I had to surpass my mama and in doing so, you would surpass my papa. I wanted to be better than them both; proving to my parents that I was _someone_, that I was valuable; that you couldn't just leave me or ignore me; proving it more to myself.

I had something to prove, and you were just my means to doing it. I never thought for a moment that you could break in and crash my party of one. I thought the walls and gates of my tower with their big fancy locks were enough to keep anyone out; you're not just anyone, are you? You found the one window I kept to the outside world, and you somehow vaulted the barbed wire fences of my defenses and launched yourself through the glass, shattering my world when you did. I thought the window was too high to reach, that I could simply use it to spy on the world; living through those I saw around me, but never truly letting them in.

I never actually had friends before you; ever the bookworm, I lived in my fictitious world because it was safe. I knew no matter how bad it was for the protagonist, that in the end it would all work out. There were rules in the novels that I consumed, parameters that the characters lived by. It would all be okay by the last page, and I could be happy for them as they rode off into the sunset, or overcame their great struggle, or killed the evil once and for all. I knew the real world had no such rules; it was painful and I wasn't prepared to deal with it. I didn't trust those around me to stay with me, I mean, why should I? It's not like my mama stuck around after papa found lust in the arms of all those women. And it's not like papa was able to keep his promises to me; he said he would never cheat on mama again, that they didn't mean anything; that he loved me and mama and would never do anything again to jeopardize our little family. They divorced though, and papa still womanizes and drinks. Mama left me all alone.

And I wanted to do it alone, with you but not really with you, but the hand I grab is too kind to me. You never let me fall, you never leave me; you pull me out of my self imposed imprisonment, my tower, every chance you get: basketball, lunch with friends, watching television with you, riding on your bike, fighting with you, defeating kishan with you; With you; _every_thing with you. I couldn't fight it any longer. I couldn't fight with you, not by my side, but in my hand, on a daily basis and still fight _you_ as well. I had to wear gloves when you were in weapon mode, because holding you so tightly was natural, intrinsic, right. It scared me; more than you could ever know. I was terrified. I liked it, and that was more than I could take. So I added gloves, and told you that it kept my hands from being calloused. You called me a girl and snickered.

It only became worse from there. I thought the gloves would help, and they did to an extent; but you were always so warm. It wasn't like grabbing an actual piece of cold metal; I could clearly tell you were alive, vibrating in anticipation of the fight, hot in my palms. I had to wear gloves for a second reason, so that I could continue to hold you in my grip. My palms were always sweaty, from the fight, the adrenaline and grasping onto you so tightly; I didn't want to lose my grip on you.

Then when we had to learn to soul resonate, I was terrified. You had already become more than a weapon to me, you were my friend; my _only_ friend. Sure, Black Star and Tsubaki were around, but at that time, I really only considered them acquaintances, along with Kid, Liz and Patty. I didn't want you to see my soul, feel it, grasp it and understand it. It paralyzed me with fear that you would see me so bare, so clearly, so naked. All my defenses would _have_ to be down; otherwise we couldn't make that connection. And that connection was what I feared most. When did my plans change so drastically? I thought I could go this alone and aloof, but all of a sudden I have to lay myself bare, for you. At least it was you and only you, and no one else would be able to get the intimate details; all they would see was the power within us combine. You would see it all; the hurt, the loneliness, the fears, wants, desires, and feelings. You would see my flaws, insecurities, the ugliness I carried around inside; my anger, confusion and doubts. There would be nothing that I could actually hide from you. I would be at my most vulnerable.

I had a panic attack the night before you and I were to practice in front of the class. I had just finished my dinner, with you across from me, and then I couldn't breathe. You said I was pale and didn't look well and asked what was wrong in such a tone that my heart broke because I could not answer you truthfully. I told you I had a headache and ran to my room. I didn't miss the hurt look on your face when I didn't confide in you, but I couldn't break down in front of you. My heart was racing, and it was difficult to bring air into my lungs, I thought I was dying. I slammed the door shut behind me, sliding down until I hit the floor with a thud, and logically told myself to breathe.

I awoke on the floor the next morning, and told myself that maybe I could hold something back from you, I'd convinced myself that you wouldn't be able to see everything and that I was smart enough to hide the important things. I cheerfully made you breakfast and gave you a big smile. You seemed genuinely happy that I was in a good mood and started to tease me. It was a half hearted attempt though, and I thought briefly that you might be just as worried as I was. We hadn't ever had a heart to heart, so there was still so much I didn't know about you. I was nervous all throughout the school day, starting to dread the class period when we would have to practice. As we walked into that lesson, I was dragging my feet, but the smile you gave me, if only for the smallest of moments, was enough to give me courage. It allowed me to steel my resolve. Besides, no one was ever able to resonate on their first try, so why should we? Boy, was I mistaken.

It wasn't working, it wasn't working, and then all of a sudden everything shifted. It is so difficult to describe, as I'm sure you're very aware. It was a mass influx of images, feelings, half formed thoughts and desires. I felt determination, sensed loneliness, anger, and gratitude, saw brief snatches of memories and snippets of what you hoped, thought or dreaded might be to come. I felt _your_ pain for the first time, so similar and yet so different from my own. I smelled fresh baked cookies, a hint of oil of some kind, and an overpowering scent of strawberries and cream. I felt your hand in mine, so similar to when you were a weapon, but stronger, firmer, and more real; tangible. I felt your hand run through my hair, and your breath ghosting over my cheek. Through it all I heard the most beautiful tinkling of a piano and felt an intense fiery heat creep over my whole body.

All of a sudden it was over, and I was gasping for breath. I had fallen to my knees at some point, my hand clutching at my chest, with tears falling down my face. You were just a few scant feet in front of me, a knee to the ground with one hand fisted on the floor and the other ready to push off your other knee and to your feet. Your head was down, but when you looked at me, and our eyes held for just a moment in time, I could see a single streak that had run down your face as well, before you smirked and held your hand out to me to lift me to my feet. The entire class was silent; Stein scribbled something in his notebook and then nonchalantly turned the massive screw in his head.

Later Tsubaki told me how incredible it was to watch. They didn't get any emotions, but the waves of power that even she could feel were astounding. And the fact that we were able to do it on our very first try was simply amazing. She had never heard of any pair being able to do that. We went in the record books for that one, I covered my natural shyness with pride and you covered your normal detached coolness with feigned indifference. How un-cool, you'd said. We never talked about it. We pretended that we didn't feel or see anything, but we both knew. It was too much to verbalize. The flame of our united souls pointed at our chests; our resonance stronger than words.

From that day on things were different, subtly at first, but then faster and faster things changed before I was ready for them. We grew stronger and stronger, fighting harder and tougher opponents than ever before. We defeated them all, maybe not the first time, but eventually; Crona, Medusa, Arachnophobia, kishan Asura, and countless more besides. We dealt with horrifying injuries, most notably the scar you now carry on your chest, for me. We became closer than anyone could have thought possible, especially myself. I never dreamed that some boy, a guy, a man, would become so important to me.

And it's because of that importance that I cannot be defeated. I'm sore, no beyond that, my body has been ravaged; it's aflame. I've never been in more physical pain than I am at this moment. I'm running on fumes, a few short hours of interrupted sleep on a train; Exhaustion from the last few months of intense training and difficult missions; Emotional stress from papa and all of the changes that have swiftly been taking place between us. It doesn't help that I've been injured more times than I ever should have in this battle. This was supposed to be a quick side trip on our way to a bigger mission. We have to meet up with Black Star and Kid in a week. I'm all of a sudden not so certain that we'll make it that far. It's my fault too; I got cocky. I thought this stupid kishin would be easy, that we could take it down quickly and be on our merry way. I never expected it to put up such a fight. He was stronger than he should be, and fast.

Before I even realized what had happened, I had found three claws in my left shoulder, pinning me, at least six feet above the ground, to the brick wall behind me. He was too close to make use of you. He licked my face, telling me how delicious I would be to consume, after he played with me, of course. As soon as he dropped me, I ducked with you in hand and rolled under his legs, jumping up and delivering a slashing blow to his unprotected back. It wasn't enough however; as he turned, and I was only barely able to bring you around in time to block his attack. It pushed me back, but I was able to remain standing.

As he fully turned to face us, I jumped, swinging you in a wide arc around my head and with a battle cry that startled even me, I brought it down in the hopes of driving it right through his skull. I was completely surprised when he vanished, and your blade clanged off of the concrete, reverberating throughout my hands and arms. I asked if you were okay from that blow, and though you were stunned you recovered faster and yelled at me to watch out.

I tried my best to turn and use you to deflect the blow, but his large claws swiped down my back vertically from shoulder to hip, pushing me forward with the intensity of the attack. I managed to catch myself from falling all the way forward by jamming your handle into the ground and using you to keep me upright. Catching my breath, I ran forward at full speed, praying that he would think I was running away and follow. I could hear him scream behind me as I ran for the door that would lead me into the building, only instead of opening it and running through it like I wanted to, I pushed off of the ground with my right foot, landed on the wall and ran up and flipped over, ending behind him, you tightly gripped in my hands. Before he was able to figure out what happened, I leapt up, and sent you in the air with both hands, swung you backwards and with all of the momentum that I could muster I brought you back around, full circle, cutting him deeply from his thigh all the way to his neck. I hate to admit that it took so much out of me.

My left shoulder is now bleeding profusely, a small stream of blood trailing down to soak into my once white glove. The injury to my back pounds with the beating of my heart, and I'm brought back to the present at last. I can see too much blood pooling at my feet, and all of a sudden I hear you screaming at me.

"Maka!" I see your reflection on your red and black blade, and feel the worry coming off of you in waves.

"I'm fine, Soul. Let's finish this before we can't." And with that I'm charging the monster, the brute, the murderer before me. I will have his soul! I will not leave you, I will not drop you, and I will not allow you to be hurt physically or emotionally. I have to survive this, for you.

I scream with all of the rage, all of the pain, all of my being, as we resonate further and you turn into Witch Hunter, your blade no longer even a thing of metal; it's something more. Twirling you around in my hands, I grip you as tight as can be and put everything I have into this one attack. I was too tired to attempt anything greater than Witch Hunter, and I hope this final blow will be enough. Your new blade comes crashing down upon him, hitting firmly at the junction of his neck and left shoulder, and continuing on until there is no more fleshy resistance, but a resounding clang as you've shifted back to your normal scythe. The kishin releases one last bloodthirsty screech before disappearing and leaving behind his tainted red soul, which I watch slowly drift to the ground.

I disjointedly wonder what it would taste like, and if it's hot because it's red. Maybe it's spicy? I slowly sink to the ground, legs bent to each side, with my hands on the ground in front of me. I'm staring at my hands, still tightly gripping you, holding on for dear life, panting for breath. I'm in fantastic shape, I shouldn't be this worn out from a fight.

Before I realize what's going on, you're kneeling in front of me, hands on my shoulders, trying to ask me something. I slowly look up into your fearful eyes, wondering what has you so scared. The fight is over, what harm can the kishin do now? I still see his soul behind you, and vaguely wonder why you haven't eaten it yet. You're always ravenous after a battle, and the soul barely tides you over until I am able to get a decent meal into you.

"What are you talking about? I'm not thinking of food right now, nor his soul. Maka! You have to listen to me." You're pleading.

"Focus!" You scream at me, shaking me carefully.

I'm forcefully brought back when you slap my face.

"Wha? Where?" I cannot complete a thought out loud. My head is buzzing and everything is getting heavy. My vision starts to tunnel before me, and all I can see is the terrified red of your eyes, begging me for something. I would give you anything I could, but I don't know what you want. _You_ know what's mine is yours.

I awaken slowly, to a dull throb everywhere I can imagine. It's dark around me, and I can't quite figure out where I am at present. You're not in my hands and that thought alone causes me to lurch forward in bed, gasping for air as the breath is taken from my lungs in the blindingly white hot pain that shoots through my chest and down my back all the way to my hip. My head is pounding to the point that I want to empty the contents of my stomach, and I clench my eyes and jaws shut.

"Shhh, take a deep breath. Come on, Maka, breath for me." It cuts through my blind panic instantly as I recognize your voice.

I feel your hands on me, slowly guiding me to lie back down, taking my weight when it's too much for me to do by myself. I hear you quietly say my reaction is "quite un-cool," as you put a few ice chips in my mouth, knowing from experience that my throat is now killing me.

"Calm down, Maka. You're going to be okay. Is the pain too much, should I get the doctor?" You ask me quietly, holding my small hand in your larger one.

"Mm, I'm fine." I lie, just happy to have you near me. I weakly squeeze your hand, and feel a soft pressure in return.

"Welcome back to the land of the living. You've been out a few days."

I try to fully focus on the words, and will myself to open my eyes completely. I'm in a darkened room, with only a small light behind me. It gently illuminates the space around me, not harshly like so many hospitals I've been in. The bed I'm in has surprisingly soft sheets and a comfortable pillow. You're standing on my left, having vacated the chair behind you, I presume when I awakened and practically tried to jump out of bed. There is a flat screen television in the corner over your shoulder, but it's surprisingly not on.

I swallow painfully before asking, "What happened? I remember we were on our way to meet Kid for a mission. Did we make it?"

"Ah, no; we got side tracked. You felt a really powerful kishin soul while we were traveling, so we stopped to take care of it." You slowly sat back down and reached to your right to grab a drink off of the small table.

You lean forward, holding the straw out to me, to allow me a sip of nice cool water. It feels heavenly going down my parched throat. I snuggle back into my comfy pillow, and wince as my body protests such a simple movement. I'm happy to be awake; I've always hated losing days to illness or injury, so when you start to ask me if I want any pain medication, I smile and wave you off.

"Nah, I don't want it to make me sleepy again." I mumble.

"You need to rest and recover, Maka. Don't push yourself too hard or I'll force the issue and make them give you the medication. Don't try and be a hero, that's not cool." You have on your serious face, so I know you mean it.

"No really, it's okay," I reply, "It's not comfortable, but it _is_ manageable. Plus, I'm enjoying your company."

"Hey, I wanted to ask you something." You started the sentence looking at me, but ended it looking at your feet.

"Okay, what is it?" I tilt my head to the side in curiosity.

"Well, you were pretty out of it right after the fight, and you kept babbling about me being important to you, and trust, and soul resonance, well, you were all over the place really. What were you thinking about?" You're looking right at me as you ask your question.

"Oh, um, it's kind of hard to remember it all now. That's all a blur to me. But, I do remember I was thinking back to when we first met and I asked you to be my weapon. How I didn't want to partner with you because you were a guy, and there was no way I could ever trust you. But then slowly, I started trusting you more and more until I couldn't even think of you any other way. Then with our first resonance, my mind was blown, I had never felt anything like that before, and I just _knew_." I fidget with the edge of the blanket.

I mean what I say, but we've never been blatant about our thoughts and feelings with each other. That's not to say that we don't talk to each other, or divulge important thoughts and memories. We just both understand that it's not overly important to dwell on the past and what you can't change. You just have to work from the present, maybe basing your decisions based on history, I think. Granted, I didn't trust you based on my experience with papa, but I was able to learn and grow from that and now I trust you implicitly.

"Hm."

I look over to see you pondering, prompting me to ask, "What?"

"I don't know. I didn't realize it took you so long to trust me. I mean, I knew you weren't a very trusting person, but did it really take you so long to understand that I couldn't betray you even if I tried? And what do you mean your mind was blown, what, what did you see?" Now it's your turn to look embarrassed, as you start cleaning your nails, feigning nonchalance.

"I don't know how to explain it, or even if I can. It wasn't just what I saw, it was what I felt and heard and smelled. It was so raw, so, well, you. I didn't know that at the time, but I've realized it since. I felt your pain; I saw snippets of your wants and desires. I heard a piano playing the whole time and I smelled something sweet. I think it had to do with strawberries, or something. I just felt I had found a kindred spirit is all. Um, why, what did you experience?" I was still playing with the blanket, but I looked up just as you did, amazed to see the look of surprise on your face.

"Oh, uh. Ahem. I felt loneliness and determination pretty overwhelmingly. But I sensed a genuine happiness within you too. I felt your insecurities and your overwhelming strength, which was kind of oppressing by the way. I saw a bit of your childhood and what you wanted for your future, which was quite different than what I always expected from you, just so you know. I felt you, everywhere; all around me, and it was peaceful and calming and settled my soul. I saw more red than I thought I would though. That's not your favorite color though, is it?" I can tell it's hard for you to relate all of this to me, afraid you'll hurt my feelings or upset me with memories.

I turn my hand over on the bed, and stretch it out to you, hoping you'll see it and give me what I want. I feel like I should be surprised when you take my hand in yours and close your long thin fingers around my shorter ones, but I'm not. Somehow this became normal for us. When either one of us is hurt, we hold hands. It's comforting, and I know for me it gives me a real lifeline. I can feel the heat from your hand as it tightens around mine, and I know that no matter where I am or how close to death I am, I will feel this and come back to you. I hope you feel the same way, and I think you do.

"Go to sleep, Maka." You quietly whisper, leaning forward to lean your forehead on mine while you speak, "I can see you're exhausted and you need to sleep in order to heal. I'll be here when you wake up. You know I won't leave you; I have to protect my meister."

"Mm." I moan softly in agreement. I can feel the pain starting to come back in full force. All of my muscles ache from the intense workout they received, my left shoulder is starting to throb and the lacerations on my back pulse with renewed vigor since I have to lie on my back; even my head is starting to pound, again.

"I'll see you when I wake. And Soul, thank you for getting me help, I wasn't certain I was going to be able to keep my promise." My eyes close of their own accord and the last thing I remember before falling into a deep, painless, drug induced sleep is you.

"I will always protect you, Maka. I can't live without you."

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AN: I would love to hear your thoughts, comments, complaints, etc. Let me have it. Also, Thanks so much for the favs! I really didn't expect that. This writing style is not my typical style, but when I started writing this story, this is just how it came out.


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